Professional piano and raising a family
Hello all,
I wanted to ask for advice on the logistics of pursuing professionalism in the music world and successfully supporting a family. I am a recent dad of a young daughter and happily married to a talented clarinetist. Among the many new challenges of being a young married and a new father, I am also teaching music in public school (unsatisfactorily I might add), juggling life events, and trying to be a professional musician (whatever that means). My wife no longer pursues musical things, in fact she's a wedding planner now. I simply don't have the time to practice like I used to and I'm only able to practice around 90 minutes each day if it works out. Despite that, I have striven to put on two recitals a year for friends, family, and the community but that has only just begun.
So what am I asking exactly? I suppose it is what I can do to further my abilities, reach greater heights, and make more of an impact with music, while also being a great husband and father. I hope and suspect many here have achieved that. I believe I can be more than just a "boring music teacher" (how my HS students see me) or an average piano teacher, in fact my level typically exceeds most average piano teachers I meet, who don't ever perform. What opportunities might I be missing out on? Where can I find more musicians who can inspire and challenge me? How can I achieve more than I currently am?
Thanks!
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Hi Jonathan, thanks for your thoughtful message. I am a young dad of two boys under 2 and I consider myself to be a professional musician. My main income comes from being a church music director and teaching lessons, but I am currently performing regularly (mostly self-promoted) and competing in some competitions. My wife works in campus ministry. Yes, finding time to practice is difficult but doable. On a good day, I can get an average of three hours in. I have found that having children has really helped me to be effective with practicing more than when I was single. I waste less time noodling and mindlessly repeating passages. I often record myself with a particular passage and verbalize out-loud areas for improvement/adjustment. And then I record again on my phone keeping those verbalized objectives in mind. What use to take me a few hours can take me about 10min. And my kids have actually sparked a new sense of creativity and freedom at the instrument.
My wife has supported me in carving out time for annual summer music festivals that allow participants over 25+ (e.g. Vivace music festival is a great one, even though I was one of the older participants). I have also joined adult chamber groups in the city I live in, and I recently formed a informal performance club where my colleagues (from different churches, schools, music clubs, etc.) and I get to share our progress with pieces regularly and receive feedback. I discovered that there are a lot of adult musicians in our position who are hungry for opportunities like this, so maybe consider starting a group like that for starters. I basically try to recreate the conservatory or academic environment without being in school.
I hope this helps a little. I am in solidarity with you as a fellow father! It is totally doable to be a professional musician and a family person.
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Benjamin Batalla I'm pleased to hear you compete in competitions! I would be curious where you perform, odds are quite unlikely you're close by but I'm curious. What kinds of competitions do you look for? I'm also impressed you get three hours, that would be great. I've been pushing two recently. We sound very similar, I've served for almost a decade in music ministry! Christianity is a major part of my life.
I would also love to establish a performance group or club but I think that would take some time. I know some musicians but not super serious ones. I'm curious how you went about finding people to join and how you facilitated the creation and consistency of that group? Tell me more!
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Hello Jonathan,
Thanks for the thoughtful question. I struggled with this too when I was the father of young children. I am also a music teacher in a public high school. This is my perspective as a musician, Christian, husband, and teacher. Playing classical music if wonderful, but not much appreciated today. There seems to be shrinking opportunities and a lack of appreciation for persons with our skill set (e.g. even churches don't want us anymore because they play rock and roll, no longer do they sing hymns). I believe God puts us on earth for a purpose. The first is to know him through the Lord Jesus Christ. After having this perspective realignment for myself personally, I know that having a family and providing for a family is an important part of my purpose. There is a tension between raising a family & practicing, but I believe the wife & kids have to come first. Although I have experienced frustration teaching in the public schools, I also have been able to touch many more lives with music than I could ever have pursuing performance. I believe this is also part of God's purpose for me. It is very difficult to provide for a family as a musician unless you have a steady job, such as in the schools, church, or university. Even then, it can be difficult. I have a buddy much more talented than I who plays with local symphonies, went to Julliard, won international competitions, was a professor at a university, etc. who just lost his job by being denied tenure. He is currently doing computer programming. I hope this helps. God bless
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Aaron I am certainly with you when it comes to purpose. I am learning and praying a lot about my place in serving my family, and trusting God to meet my needs. I recognize my new purpose and want to make sure that I am meeting the needs of my family first. I'm certainly not implying that I desire a selfishly motivated career but I hope that this important part of me can be more fully realized. And, indeed I'm sure that if God wants that he can open those doors. But I see we share similar ideals and I hope that we can find joy despite these many things.
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